my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
