so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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