He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Welp...herpes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
