i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
