Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
