Ambien. No doubt about it.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
