she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
