I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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