guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
