I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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