The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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