Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
