Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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