it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
