So drunk its hurt
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
