I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
