did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
