My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
