best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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