I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
