upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
