Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
