this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
