No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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