You made me cry and you don't even care
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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