She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
