your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
