I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
