He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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