I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
