I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
