the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
