I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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