I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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