My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
What a dumb baby whore.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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