You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it's like heaven, but drunker
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
