Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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