some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
