They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
