remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
