Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
