I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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