i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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