dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
