Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
