im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
