there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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