I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
