You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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