We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
