I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
